Still Hot

I just shredded a chicken.  I’ve watched mom do this a few times after she would buy a ‘wonder chicken’ from the grocery store. Oh what I would do for a bowl of her chicken and noodles right now.  Rice and cabbage will have to do. Labor Day (May 1) is a big celebration here. In my more pessimistic moods I made a general and slightly cruel but true statement about the event, “they save what little money they have from what little work they have just to party for one day; to buy new outfits and meat.”  They literally work to live. And maybe there’s something to be said for that, but sometimes it’s frustrating- especially when they go for weeks without protein and filling meals only to stuff themselves with carbs and meat for one full day.  It’s a cultural thing I realize and I’ve got to accept and respect their way.  

Aposto and the gang from the NGO and the local micro finance ‘feted’ together on Sunday as they wanted to save their party for the weekend instead of during the week.  They eagerly invited me to join and I paid in for the meal and new pagna.  (I guess I can’t comment on the tradition when I want to take part!) When we realized I had to go to Atakpame (3 hours south) last weekend for a quarterly MAC (malaria action committee) and couldn’t be there for the celebration, Nima and Aposto volunteered to save the meat I paid for and continue the party with me when I returned. So, last night the three of us made a giant meal of fufu and tomatoe sauce with LOTS of chicken. Oh I was so full.  Aposto insisted we enjoy a cold drink at the bar after and then Nima left me with ‘my chicken.’  Knowing my lack of cooking enthusiasm/knowledge she me clear instructions of how to store the roasted bird overnight and insisted that I must cook it this morning.  So that’s what I did.  I’ve never felt more like an animal (well, this place has brought out a lot of animalistic characteristics but still) than when I was tearing into that scrawny chicken this morning; my excitement when I got to a decent size piece of meat! Protein for a week I thought!

 Anyway, the weekend in Atakpame was nice.  After another frustrating girls club Thursday evening (explaining self-confidence proved more difficult than I originally thought-easily the most frustrating session yet- but I’ll spare you the details) I headed south Friday morning.  The trip was smooth and the highlight was definitely seeing and being with Vanessa for the first time since February. That girl is so awesome- my total opposite and I think we complement each other so well.  With another PC committee in town along with the group of us MAC leaders (2 PCV’s per region) it was a full house- literally. PC has a house where volunteers can stay (8 beds) and work with a computer, a kitchen and living space and lots of books.  So, Ness and I retreated to the quiet little hotel run by nuns at the edge of town.  I took advantage of the beautiful mountainous scenery in Atakpame and went running each morning.  Saturday and Sunday were filled with MAC work; defining our goals, brainstorming ways to motivate and inspire other PCV’s to do malaria related work in their villages.  It’s tough- creating a program from nothing and trying to get others on board.  Add in the difficulty of doing work here in general, and the natural communication frustrations and you’ve got quite the challenge.  I’m enjoying being a member and not leader on this one J.

Saturday was rough for me.  I realized what day it was mid-morning sitting in the MAC meeting; YESS Duck Derby day.  An exciting day I had been anticipating; even received a sweet ‘duck filled’ package from the YESS crew who had included me in the pre-event excitement.  The Duck Derby-the event that had been a giant part of my life the past two years in Des Moines, was happening.  I knew the day was coming and had been generally very excited for it, but at that moment the sadness and missing the rush of the day just ran me over. Add to that, my mom graduated with her masters Friday night from my school – UNI- and it killed me to see pictures of my family at the ceremony on the campus and in CF where I have so many memories.  So proud of you mama. Finally, one of my dear friends, Sky, got married on Saturday in sunny Texas.  These three combined for a deep longing for home.  Thankfully, Michael listened as I whined from the pity pool later that afternoon and Ness and my other friends were very understanding and comforting.  Don’t get me wrong- I know I’m meant to be here in Togo.  I know that if I was home (having never left) I wouldn’t be happy with myself.  But, there are moments when home is all I want.  Again, fighting the grass-is-always-greener mentality.  Later over a avocado and banana smoothie (the PC house has a blender- and there’s a store in Atakpame with REAL MILK) I thought and talked over the excitement of this PC adventure; the good work I’m doing here and the opportunity I’ve taken advantage of and will one day look back on with irreplaceable memories.

Then God reminded me He was there. I had returned from a nice run Monday morning as it was cooler and the sky was overcast, protecting me from the early morning sun.  I was stretching at the hotel, watching the sky rapidly change as the clouds moved over the mountains and a new song by Britt Nicole came on my Ipod.

“You never said the road would be easy, but You said that you would never leave.  You never promised that this life wasn’t hard, but You promised You’d take care of me. So I’ll stop searching for the answer, I’ll stop praying for an escape and I’ll trust you God with where I am and believe that you will have your way. Just have your way.”

As the cool winds surrounded me and the words filled my head and heart, I was so comforted in God’s presence and peace.  Something I try to focus on and seek daily, I’ve realized it’s much easier to hear God’s voice and see His blessings when you’re in solitude in village.  After struggling to find it with being surrounded by lots of others the past few days, this was a welcomed and wonderful moment and I walked through yesterday with a renewed spirit.

It’s still scary hot here; the locals say the rain will start this month. The PCV’s (who are more specific and realistic) say it won’t be until June that rain and cooler temps will arrive.  On attend. We wait.  In the meantime I’m trying to figure out a way to make a kiddie pool out of a plastic tub, (not really but that would be great if the water supply wasn’t so low) covering myself in mentholated powder and praying the electricity/my fan works.