I Didn't Know

One year ago, I didn’t know how to take a bucket shower, fix a flat bike tire, or eat around and through ants. I didn’t know how to catch, barter a price or deal with bush taxi’s. A year ago, I didn’t speak French (or understand it at least) or know the foreign sounds that make up local, ethnic languages in Africa.  I didn’t know this journey would draw me so much closer to my Creator and show me the intense love and need I have to be close to my family.  I didn’t know how strong a relationship based on love and friendship could become when you date someone who truly has your best interest at heart- even from an ocean away. 

One year ago, I didn’t understand the power of electricity or a cold shower; or a shower in general for that matter. I’d never thought so much or spent so much time on greetings and asking about people’s families and work.   I didn’t have any idea how hard a girl’s life was in a developing country, how childhood is in a way nonexistent and how hope for a better life somehow always remains. I didn’t know how cruel the school system was or how sad the health care.  I’d never eaten or heard of pate or fufu one year ago.  I didn’t have any idea how important and meaningful it is to share a meal or calabash of local beer with someone, or that it’s all about the sauce when I landed here last June.  I didn’t know I could tolerate a 15 hour trip with 4 vehicle changes just to go a hundred miles or so.  A year ago, I didn’t know that I had the ability, knowledge and influence to inspire girls, teach them to believe in themselves and their dreams.  I didn’t know what an African ‘hot season’ felt like or believe I could survive such a thing. I didn’t know how much comfort can come from hours of reading a good book.  Or that I would become a regular member of Sunday Mass at the local Catholic Church out of the comfort of a routine and order.  A year ago I’d never been in the delivery room to watch a baby being born up-close-and-personal.  I didn’t know I would be able to teach grown women the power of saving and budgeting or how to set goals.  

A year ago I didn’t realize every Togolese person had a farm- even if it’s a few rows of corn in the ditch- as a means to survive.  I had never thought so much about the value of hand washing a year ago, and I had no idea how to wash my clothes without a machine.  I didn’t know how much joy and comfort rain would bring me or how real the need becomes for water when the sun blazes for months on end. I had no idea how to drink water or eat lunch out of little plastic bags. I didn’t know I would think about stomach bugs so much or about the issues that come with open water sources. I didn’t know what it felt like to sit with a girl and her parents in their rural village after giving her a loan to run a small business during the summer in an effort to save and pay for her school fees.  I didn’t know school fees for girls were often times the last priority for families.  I’d never been so outspoken and defensive for girls; demanding they give an equal chance and the respect each of us deserves. I didn’t realize how behavior change and development go hand-in-hand.  I had never really thought about behavior change; that it’s more about convincing people to make the desired change than distributing the information. I’d never rationed my fruit and vegetable supply before. Or been so acutely aware of my body; hunger, temperature, emotions and attitudes. I had no idea how passionate I would become about nutrition, family planning, and the health of the kids and families around me. And I didn’t realize that these passions could spark an idea to become a teacher.  

One year ago, I didn’t know how much joy a group of twelve-year-olds trying to speak English could bring me.   I’d never spoke ‘Fran-Glais’- mixing French with English but still struggling to put correct sentences together and get my point across in a foreign language. A year ago, I didn’t loathe the sun and constantly seek shade. I’d never counted the hours in the day, days in the week, weeks in the month, months in the year so much as I have in this year. One year ago from this day, I had no idea I would make such great friendships; friends with Togolese that I can call my family here and in a diverse group of Americans who can only truly feel the words I’m writing.

One year ago I didn’t know how to live in Africa. Despite many moments of heart ache and struggle, now, I know.